Ensign Support Group
by Sven the Viking
Summary: A group of dead Ensigns go through therapy. Chapter 2 now up!
1. The First Meeting

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek or the ensigns that appear in this fic. I don't own anything else that happens to show up in this fic.  
  
Ensign Support Group  
  
Telsa walked into the Therapy building and walked to the front desk.  
  
"I'm here for the new job."  
  
"Ohhh.you poor thing the last angel that had that group went insane."  
  
"Went insane?"  
  
"Yes, she ran out that door there yelling 'The Klingons they're after me!!' Ohhh.well hopefully your better trained."  
  
"Trained? I'm a volunteer."  
  
"Ohh.bless your soul."  
  
The lady behind the desk handed her a five inch think folder for the support group she was too mediate. On the outside of the folder in big bold letters were the words:  
  
Ensign Support Group  
  
Under that was a list of previous mediators, there had been five before her. She read the reasons they had departed their job. Insanity, Insanity, Insanity, Drunk then Insanity, tried to kill her self but every attempt to do so was foiled by the fact that she was already dead.  
  
Telsa sighed and walked down the hall to the door marked 'Ensign Support Group'. She stopped by the door and took a deep breath 'Well here it goes.' She opened the door and walked into the room. She walked over to her seat in the circle of chairs and sat down.  
  
"Hello my name is Telsa."  
  
"I HAD A TRIBBLE NAMED TELSA.BUT SHE'S DEAD NOW!!!" wailed one of the dead Ensigns.  
  
"You can call me Tel if that's better for you."  
  
"YES YES THAT WOULD BE MUCH BETTER!!!"  
  
"Could you please lower your voice Mr.."  
  
"MY NAME IS JOHN BROWN."  
  
"Don't bother trying to get him to lower his voice, and you can call him Howler."  
  
"Hmm.Howler.appropriate. And what might your name be?"  
  
"I'm Gay Lord."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"I said my name is Gay Lord."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"You can call him Ga, we all do."  
  
"Okay, and who might you be?"  
  
"I'm Zaphoid Is Fragged."  
  
"Your what?"  
  
"I'm Zaphoid Is Fragged."  
  
"His parents had a bad sense of humor, but it is true he is fragged." Whispered the last member of the group.  
  
"If he's here I would guess he was. And your name is?"  
  
"My name is Garfield Punts Odie." He whispered  
  
"JUST CALL HIM NEAR MUTE."  
  
"Okay, Now that the introductions are done we can get down to it."  
  
"Nope sorry no can do."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I have a tennis lesson scheduled in five minutes on the North Cloud." Said Zaphoid.  
  
"Ya, I have to go have my pedicure." Said Ga.  
  
"Sorry, but I have singing lessons." Whispered Near Mute.  
  
"I HAVE TO GO TEACH MY YODELING CLASS."  
  
The group got up and shuffled through the door.  
  
"Wait." she yelled after them. But they had already left the building. Telsa walked slowly back to the room and to the adjoining office. She walked over to her desk and sat down.  
  
"I'm going to need a lot of Tylenol." She rubbed the bridge of her nose then went to work writing up what had happened during the session.  
  
Well Folks That's all for now. Hope you like it so far, I know it isn't that funny yet but if will get there. Any Comments on it would be greatly appreciated.  
  
~Sven The Viking~ 


	2. Mutes Story

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek or the ensigns that appear in this fic. I don't own anything else that happens to show up in this fic. Other then the idea's of course.  
  
Ensign Support Group  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Telsa sat in her office and waited for the rest of the group to show up. After a minute the door opened and the last member of The Ensign Support Group entered.  
  
"SORRY I'M LATE!!! I HAD AN EMERGANCY YODELING CALL FROM THE NORTH CLOUD!!!" yelled Howler as he rushed through the door and sat down.  
  
"It's okay I was just reading a book. Anyways thank you all for being here. I'd like to start today's meeting by asking for a volunteer to share the story of how they died."  
  
After a long pause Near Mute cleared his throat and raised his hand.  
  
"Near Mute thank you, whenever you're ready you may begin."  
  
"Well it all began with the ship I was on arriving at a new planet." Whispered out near mute. "The Captain assembled an away team and we prepared in the shuttle bay."  
  
"Why didn't you use the transporter?" asked Ga  
  
"There was a large B.U.T.T. in orbit of the planet and we weren't sure if the transport was a good idea."  
  
"WHAT'S A BUTT?!"  
  
"Well you know the thing you sit." started Zaphoid.  
  
"No, it stands for Big Ugly Troubling Thing. Anyways we suited up in the shuttle bay and we got in to head down for the planet. We were in flight and the shuttle was full of noise from the team talking amongst themselves. I remember some of the subjects.lets see.proper care of tribbles."  
  
"I HAD A TRIBBLE!!! HER NAME WAS TELSA!!!"  
  
"Yo big loud and forgetful. You already told us that." Stated Zaphoid sarcastically.  
  
"I DID!!! SORRY PLEASE CONTINUE MUTE!!!"  
  
"Anyways this was my first away mission in a shuttle, and it was the captains tradition for you to sit up front with him. So I was looking at the various screens buttons, and do dads. When I spotted a big red button. I wasn't familiar with its function and there was no label. So I asked the captain what it did. After asking him multiple times as loud as a could."  
  
"HAHA THAT'S A GOOD ONE YOU LOUD!!!"  
  
"Howler please let him finish."  
  
"SORRY MATE, PLEASE CONTINUE!!!"  
  
"So when he didn't answer me I pushed the big red button."  
  
"What were you thinking man.you never press the big red button."  
  
"Yes, Ga I know that now. Seconds after I pressed the big red button I was sucked out into space."  
  
"That's horrible Mute." Comforted Telsa.  
  
"That's not the worst of it. I was sucked out right into the B.U.T.T."  
  
"Eww.what a horrible way to go."  
  
"DID YOU CRACK UP BEFORE YOU DIED?!"  
  
"Yeah, Did you relieve yourself?"  
  
"You could say you wiped the big one."  
  
"Haha.very funny.anyways that's how I died.halfway up the B.U.T.T. hole."  
  
"Haha.I guess you died from a tight fit."  
  
"Did you find out why poop is brown?!"  
  
"Alright everyone that's enough. This was a very tragic death and he has every right to be troubled by it."  
  
"Thank You Telsa just telling you guys my story has helped me a lot."  
  
"I HAD A TRIBBLE NAMED TELSA!!!"  
  
"We know Howler! You told us already!"  
  
"I DID."  
  
"Twice."  
  
"OHH." he looked up at the clock "I HAVE TO GET GOING.I HAVE TO GO TEACH A CLASS ON HOW TO SING YOUR BABY TO SLEEP."  
  
"I almost forgot I have croquet lessons to get to!" exclaimed Zaphoid.  
  
"Dang I'm going to be late for my perm." Stated Gay Lord.  
  
"And I have to go teach a class on how to win in a yelling contest." Whispered Mute.  
  
With that they all got up and shuffled out the door.  
  
Telsa got up from her chair and got a glass of water and a few Tylenol. She gulped down the medicine and slowly sipped the water as she began to write up her report on what had happened during the meeting.  
  
Well all I hope you enjoyed the newest chapter. Sorry it's been so long. Hopefully I'll get as positive a response as I did with the first chapter and I'll continue the fic. Anyways that's all for now.  
  
~Sven the Viking~ 


End file.
